I'm Getting Out

I officially know now, that the mental health profession is not for me. I’m so disheartened with the entire process. It just doesn’t work and the patients will never get any better. It’s not even that I’m disappointed in the doctors. They truly are doing the best that they can with the legal restrictions that are placed upon them. It’s just the very nature of mental illness. Even the most thorough, most talent psychiatrist only has marginal success in improving symptoms. I hate to get so cynical at such a young age, but I’m really starting to see that some patients are hopeless. There’s this one in particular who I was so concerned about when I first started this job because bad things kept happening to her and she would call us every two weeks in a new crisis. She would always insist that if we would just adjust her medication by 1mg that somehow it would fix everything, but that’s never the case. Now, I feel myself sighing and rolling my eyes when ever she calls, because I know the situation is not as serious as she makes it seems, and that she gets herself into this trouble so she has only herself to blame.

All the psychiatry field is about is maintaining marginal functioning and praying that the patient doesn’t work themselves into another hospitalization and I’m tried of being part of such mediocrity. There’s got to be something better out there for me. Now, don’t worry, I’m not quitting my job anytime soon. I’m just renewing my search once again to write and to find a new career path for myself.

The Fossil Still Manages to Ruin the Day

I’m shaking with fury because the Fossil is a useless old hag that shouldn’t even bother waiting until April the 27th to retire. She should retire today! I hate her!

I know that you should not hate anyone, but I refuse to deny the way that I really feel right now. She is a completely useless artifact that wastes my time and makes the simplest task as difficult as climbing Everest. Today, the lazy bitch tells me that she is not coming tomorrow because she has a dentist’s appointment in the morning. This dentist’s appointment has been scheduled for only God knows how many months, yet she waits until the day before to tell me that she is not coming. Now, I have to reschedule a blood draw and reorganize my entire work week to squeeze in an additional person that was supposed to get taken care of tomorrow. I told the Fossil in as calm as a voice as I could muster that it’s not very considerate for her to give such short notice. The bitch then had the nerve to say that she thinks that she is being very considerate because she could have just called in sick and given no notice at all. I wanted to wring her old shriveled neck. She has gotten spoiled with the flexibility of this job and she thinks that she is entitled to so much leeway. I don’t even understand why the Fossil thinks that she even needs to take the entire day off when she has a morning appointment at the dentist. Most people are clever enough to manage going to the dentist then going to work right after that, but I guess she’s just too daft to pull off such a simple maneuver.

Oh, and she arrived late today as usual, and left early, even better. She does not even deserve a paycheck for the non-existent work that she pretends to do. I could get a volunteer to do be more dedicated than she. Oh, April 27th please come quickly before I accidentally knock her out, while secretly hoping that when she falls that she’ll break a hip and be really jacked up. I’m not worried about jail time, because I know how to plead temporary insanity, but at this point that plea would probably be the truth. She is driving me crazy.

Let’s take some deep breaths now. Inhale. Exhale. Wooshaa! After all, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not really that big of a deal now is it? She will be gone in a month and when I stop to think about it, that lazy monster only works 4 days a week anyway, leaving only 18 more actual work days with her. Surely, I can last for 18 days.

Gosh, I will be the happiest person at that retirement party. I might finally even show them a dance or two, I’ll be so relieved. However, I will not wish her good luck or best wishes. I will never again say a kind word to her or show her any consideration because she has not shown any toward me. She’s at the top of my black list and will stay there for all time because she is a fossil and for some inexplicable reason, not even time makes fossils disappear completely.

P.S. 2 hours later...Yea, for small victories! I told the research doctor, who I endearingly call the Bitch, about what the Fossil did and she agreed that the Fossil should come in tomorrow. She decided to take matters into her own hands and called the Fossil and sorted the whole matter out. I was so proud of the research doctor for using her bitchy nature for a good cause, and I think that such a good deed should not go unrewarded. Therefore, I'm discontinuing her title as the Bitch and renaming her as Mon Petite Chou which is French for my little cabbage. Believe me this is a very suitable name change.

Inspiration Strikes!

Yesterday, I was determined to write, so I sat down at my computer and worked a bit on my Nanowrimo novel. I wrote three pages, but I wasn’t happy with anything that I created. The writing was sub-par and would never have a chance of being published. I really was starting to wonder how did a story about space-traveling yetis ever sound like a good idea to me. I naively thought that I could somehow make it a serious book, even along the lines of an Animal Farm-sque commentary on the evils of human nature and politics, highlighting man’s discrimination and hate crimes against the peaceful yetis, but I simply couldn’t capture the spirit. It was an ambitious project to take on and I’m just not skilled enough to do it justice at this point in my life.

However, out of frustration came one small success. I decided to look at an even older manuscript of mine called The Sorrows of Young Sarah. After reading the first chapter, I fell in love with the story all over again, and I knew that this was the story that I was meant to tell. The story is refreshing to work on because it mirrors my own life so perfectly. It’s not that Sarah and I share the same experiences, it just that we think and reflect about the world in the same way. In so many ways, Sarah is me so it’s very easy to develop her character, because to understand her is to understand myself and there is nothing more rewarding than that.

I think that I was trying to do too much with the yeti book, with underground yeti cities and dozens of characters. It was just too much for a novice writer to handle, but the wise simplicity of my novel about Sarah should be a lot easier to nail down. As we all know, I’ve been following the wrong path for a long time now, and I think this shift in gears in my writing is just another step in the right direction.

The Fossil Retires!!!! :o)

As you already know, I have less than agreeable co-workers. and more often than not I want to rip their throats out. The two main causes of my weekly headaches are a doctor that I endearingly call the Bitch, and a nurse that I despisingly call the Fossil. Lately, the Bitch has surprised me with her happy go luckily attitude. She has not been bitchy in nearly three months now, and I beginning to have hope (knock on wood) that me and her are going to have a good relationship in the future. However, the Fossil has not improved her attitude one iota over the last three months and now her work is getting mighty sloppy. She is never on time for anything, forgets about building meetings, takes one hour to do what takes the average person 30 minutes to do, and has the worst attitude I’ve ever seen. All she has to do is take patients vital signs, and occasionally do a blood draw or an ECG. It’s a very simple job, but she still finds a way to fuck everything up.

She only shows up when she feels like it. For example, she could know about a doctor’s appointment for a month, but she won’t tell be about it until the day before completely messing up the schedule. Plus, she likes to put a power trip on the patients, making them wait at least 10 minutes before she will work with them, even when she is not busy. And somehow she is under the delusion that all of the patients adore her, but the truth is that half of the patients hate her guts. She is the major reason why we have such a high drop out rate on our Depakote research study. That study involves her making medication packets for the patients and sometimes it takes her 45 minutes to an hour to make the medication packet. I know I’m working in a mental health clinic and everything, but who in their right mind wants to wait an additional 45 minutes to an hour just to get research medication? She really doesn’t realize how much of a burden she is, and most of the research staff is glad to see her go.

When she announced her last day, I really had to grip my chair firmly to avoid jumping up and cheering in the middle of staff meeting. April 27th is the last dreadful day that I will have to spend with her and from there after, my soul will be at peace again. The only bad thing about this situation is that instead of hiring a new nurse to fill her position, they are training me to do her job. It means more work for me and less free time, but I tell you what, I rather do a little extra work than have the Fossil around. Plus, I’m excited to get free lessons in phlebotomy, CPR, and ECG administration. Who knows what doors these certifications could open for me?

Even though, this job can be a little bit of a hassle sometimes, I really feel like it has benefited me so much, giving me beau coups of experiences you can’t find in most entry-level positions. My heart keeps on suffering about what my next move is going to be and what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, but sometimes I just need to chill out and realize that I’m doing well for myself. That experience is priceless and no amount of schooling could teach me all that I’ve learned this year.