Welcome to My Living Novel

In my world, the plot is always thickening.

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Best Year Ever

It’s been a fabulous 2006, truly one of the best years in my life. Of course, there continues to be some bad times and I still have several challenges yet to face, however, when I step back and look at the big picture, I can see how much progress I’ve made this year. My job is going well, cash flow is steady, and this girl has finally managed to fall in love again. Everything in my life has changed for the better and I hardly recognize it anymore.

Although I’m usually long-winded with my writing, today I simply don’t have much to say. Happiness has left me speechless and I want to ride this fleeting feeling for as long as I can. Happy Holidays to the few of you who still check in on me. I’ll see you all again in 2007.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Too Much

I’ve only known the Rock Star for 9 days and already he’s turned my life upside down. I know that it seems impossible to fall in love in 5 days, but it was happening to me. Rocky was turning out to be the best man I’ve ever known, but it all started to crumble yesterday when he finally confessed that the ex-girlfriend that he told me so much about is actually his ex-wife. As flashbacks of the Columbian started to dance through my head, I started to wonder why Latin men keep lying to me about current and past marriages. Is it just my bad luck or is this a universal character flaw that I should know about?

Anyway, once the initial shock was over, I tried to settle my mind and listen to his story. The strange thing was that I could truly sympathize with him. It really did sound like an awful marriage and I surely can’t condemn someone for wanting to get out of such a destructive relationship. What I can condemn is him willfully leading me astray, repeatedly calling this woman his ex-girlfriend when he knew that was a bold face lie. The good news is that he claims that the divorce is final, and since they didn’t have any children that there were no strings attached, but who knows whether I can trust that or not. You just never know what a liar is capable of.

Although I am upset about this lie, I know this one mistake is not enough to make me think too poorly of him. Lies and all, he is still the best man that I’ve even known, and I can’t forget the 7 days of pure joy that he has given me. I’m desperately torn between working it out and moving on because I really do like this one. Plus, he seemed so honest and open about everything else. I’ve never met anyone so willing to open himself up so completely. I mean I don’t even have to ask him any questions. He just suddenly thinks about something, and I get to hear every beautiful thought that rolls through his head. It can be so fascinating and so heart warming some times that I can only audibly gasp at how wonderful he is.

Plus, he feels everything so intensely both love and heartache. When I saw him yesterday after his confession, he looked terrible. He was on the verge of tears and could hardly do anything over how distraught he was. He couldn’t eat, he could hardly function, and I truly felt bad for him because I couldn’t offer him much comfort. He kept asking me if I still loved him, and I could only say, “I don’t know anymore.” It broke my heart to hear his voice trembling, fearful to lose me, but I could not lie. I haven’t made a decision yet but it seems like that dream of “together forever” has been tarnished and I don’t know if we’ll ever get it back. And though forever may not be in our cards, I held him again last night for old time’s sake, just because I’ve come to need him just as much as he needs me.