The Farce of Flirting

It was your typical Friday night excursion, four girls in a car going to the Caribbean club for some good reggae music. In so many ways, last night was so ordinary, but then on another level, it was so funny that it was like watching Def Comedy Jam. It could have been that I drunk just enough liquor to put me in that place where everything was more amusing and where I was no longer self-conscious about the mininess of my mini-skirt. However, I believe the main reason why last night was great was because the two men I met were so hilarious.

Usually when writing about new acquaintances in my blog, I give them some type of pseudonym to protect their identity, but these guys real names were so ridiculous that they must be shared. Their names are Smart and Sunshine. Though you may think I’m making this up, I am simply not creative enough to come up with such absurd names. First of all, who would name their child Smart? I mean we all hope for intelligent children, but to go ahead and name your child after such a common adjective is puzzling to me. I don’t even understand people who name their children adjectives like Precious or Darling, and for me to try to understand the name Smart is too much.

The person behind the name was a pretty nice guy though. He was from Nigeria, which annoyed me a little because it seems like every other man I meet is Nigerian. It’s like they all have some type of ultrasensitive radar to find me. Although he was nice enough, he delivered me the chessiest line I’ve ever heard. You see I always attach my car key on the side of my skirt or pants so I won’t have to carry a bag with me all night. Smart notices the key hanging off of my skirt and says, “Is that the key to your car or the key to your heart.” To this commit I turned around and backed that thang up so I could laugh hysterically at such a stupid line. Of course he thought I was moved by this line and asks for my number, but I’ve come up with a new dating rule for myself. I refuse to give out my number in any club-like environment. Any club bun I meet must first submit a writing sample to my email address before I would even consider speaking to them again. So far it’s working like a charm and I’ll soon get to see how smart Smart is in writing.

And then there was Sunshine. Why you would name a boy Sunshine is beyond me. It’s such a feminine name that I couldn’t even manage to turn around to laugh, and I wound up laughing directly in his face. I did not feel bad about this at all because Sunshine definitely was not as polite as Smart. He had wandering hands and some jealous girlfriend-like character that would come over and push me out of the way for dancing with a man. I thought this was so amusing because it’s such a stereotypical occurrence you see on every black movie that for me to actually experience it in my life was comical. I could almost imagine the girl in the corner talking to her friends, “I don’t who that bitch think she is, dancing with my Sunshine like that. I’m going have to roll up in there and sho’ that bitch her place.” Or at least that’s how I would imagine she would sound. I’m not at all hip to the hip talk so I don’t pretend to know.

Even as a re-read this entry, I can’t help but laughing at how funny the farce of flirting is. I had a great time but definitely not a great enough time to ever talk to any of my new acquaintances again. I’m still determined to be lonely for a while longer until I can get my mind straight so that I can create a good relationship for myself, and it seems that everything in pop culture in helping me to do just that. From the movies to music videos, everything around me seems to add another good idea to my personal philosophy. For example, in the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know,” they suggest that we create our own reality and that our minds control everything around us. I could understand how my mind could affect myself and my attitude toward life, but I didn’t understand how my mind could affect someone else or the relationships I was in. Well, Friday afternoon I was watching nine inch nail’s new video “Only” and this idea that I create my reality and the people around me started to make so much more sense to me. Trent Reznor sings “I just made you up to hurt myself, and it worked.” These lyrics were so profound to me. Even after the video was over, I just sat there for a good half-hour pondering about all the situations and relationships that I created within my mind just to hurt myself.

Of course, I’m not intentionally trying to hurt myself. It’s like a little kid who wants so badly to jump off a swing in mid air because it would be fun to fly. The child doesn’t want to be hurt. He doesn’t want to break an ankle, but he’s willing to risk it for the thrill of soaring. This is exactly what I do in relationships. I jump off the swing with someone completely wrong for me, and then I act surprised when I have to wear an emotional cast over my broken anatomy for the next six months.

In retrospect, I can see all of the mistakes of my past and wonder how could I be so short-sighted, yet I don't think I would change a single thing even if I was given the chance. I've learned so much the hard way, and I'm very thankful for that. Now, I think it's time to learn things in a more easy, thoughtful way.