The Neighbor

I just started a new relationship last week, my first real one in over a year, and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the whole situation because we are not having the smooth beginning that I hoped for. There's nothing but bad timing between us with endless long silences and a complete lack of any type of meaningful conversation. However, he's managed to charm me in record time, with the fewest amount of words ever used to woo me. So now I'm left at the computer again, writing with a heart full of nervous apprehension, wondering whether attraction is enough to bond, whether all our miscommunications will ever be resolved, and whether all our bad timing can suddenly be turned into blissful harmony.

He lives two doors down from me, yet our close proximity doesn't make it any easier to be together. My two jobs are starting to be more of a hindrance than a blessing, and his social life takes him out more than I originally expected. Yet, he reminds me so much of my X that sometimes it stops me from breathing. On a few solemn occasions, the Neighbor actually sounded so much like the X over the telephone that I nearly said X's name instead of Neighbor's. It's almost eerie how similar the X and the Neighbor are. They have the same voice, the same energy, the same touch, and they even share the same astrological sign. It truly makes me wonder why am I winding up with the same type of man, over and over again. Am I the fool who relives her past mistakes insanely believing that this time will be different or is there some logic to my actions. The neighbor is a completely different person after all and is not destined to make the same mistakes as the X. He could actually be the perfect combination of all the things that I loved about the X without any of the things that broke my heart. However, I'm starting to wonder if I truly like the Neighbor for who he is or if I like him because he reminds me of a past that I don't want to let go of.

Although I love quiet contemplation about these issues, continually turning them over in my head seems to be getting me no place fast. There's only so much comfort the written word can supply because in the end it is our actions that determine the ending. My task for this week is to fill those awkward silences with the sentiments that matter to me the most, and somehow motivate the Neighbor to do the same.