Black and White

Life is full of "what if" experiences that allow you to see how your life could have been if you took a different path. Last weekend was a big "what if" experience for me, and it allowed me to see how different my life would have been if I went to an HBCU (historically black college and university) as opposed to the predominately white college I attended in Colorado.

I was in Atlanta for Morehouse and Spelman's homecoming. I went to the Greek Step Show and a few of the nightclubs, and I was almost overwhelmed by how different the Morehouse/Spelman atmosphere and social life was to my college experience. I'm not suggesting in anyway that one experience is better than the other, but I feel like this black girl would never fit into the HBCU setting. I don't have the right attitude for it, and I would be afraid that people would walk all over me.

I am, as a general rule, a very quiet person. Everything about me is small from the way that I talk, to my style, and my attitude. I find that in HBCUs and in predominately black cities such as Atlanta everything is so big and over the top that there is no place for me to express my unique, more understated style. Being the anthropologist that I am, at the Step Show I was doing a mental ethnography on black culture and trying very hard to figure out why I am an outsider in my own ethnic diaspora.

While at the Step Show, I was reminded about the research that I did in Tanzania with the Maasai. During my stay with the Maasai, they had a major ceremony where one of the age-sets was moving up to a higher level to elder status allowing a new group of kids to take their place in caste system. The ritual was so beautiful, fascinating, and foreign to me, and sadly this is the exact same feeling I had when I watched the Step Show.

The experience was not foreign to me simply because I never pledged to a sorority or attended a HBCU. It was foreign to me because I can not understand the mentality of a person who wants to be a part of such a specialized organization or group. What makes a person want to turn away from diversity to commune with sameness, and what really gets me is that this sameness is not authentic. It's an invented culture that we wear as a mask to cover up any individuality that may exist. It doesn't even reflect any shared beliefs or spirituality. I guess that is what happens when your original culture was taken from you, but I can't help but to wonder if we couldn't do any better. Is the best we can do a trumped up peacock attitude that says if anyone steps on my foot I'll cut you? Is the best we can do elaborate street gear and a static form of music that has not progressed in over a decade? I surely hope not.

I do enjoy certain parts of these trivialities. I would say the theme song of our entire trip was "Laffy Taffy" by D4L. I never heard the song until we started down the highway to Atlanta, but I think I heard it enough times to last a lifetime over the weekend. Although this song is not really my style, I can't help but to smile every time I hear it because of all the laughter and dancing the song brought our group. The day would not be complete without someone breaking out a "Dun, dun, dunt, Oh, Cuz you so thick." With a small chuckle I accept these few ounces of kinship that I have to my ethnic roots, but I'm glad that this one "what if" scenario never happened. I'm glad that I got out of Mississippi when I did and regardless of whether you think my disassociation with African-American culture is tragic or a joke, I am glad that I've made my life about exploring other cultures more than my own.